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10 WAYS TO END AN EGO TANTRUM

(Excerpted from upcoming book: “The 8 Seductive Shadow Selves” by Parthenia Grant, PhD – 2018 release)

I’ve got 10 WAYS TO END AN EGO TANTRUM that are sure to help you in the often uncomfortable process of shadow work and dismantling the ego’s many layers and programs.

You know you’re lost in the Twilight Zone of the ego when you cannot connect the dots between real and imagined wrongs from the past or present to solve a simple problem.  That’s because the ego creates problems and perpetuates them. The ego is not in the business of problem-solving because it lacks insight into self.  It also lacks self-awareness as to how its actions affect others. It also misses the fact that there are cause and consequences resulting in behavior boomeranging back on itself.  More importantly, solving the problems it causes poses a bigger problem for the ego that downright endangers its very existence because the ego needs problems to escalate into situations that create inner or outer conflict that either persists, allowing for a steady stream of low vibrational, negative energy, or that escalates into violence, bloodshed or death.  The more mayhem the merrier, since the ego literally gets high off of the fear and Adrenalin produced by torture or a terrifying death. That is why it’s critical to learn how to slap some sense into yourself when you act like a victim, showing weakness or fear.  You’ve heard psychopaths say that they feel orgasmic feeding off of the pain and terror they cause and that they will pass up a potential victim who shows no fear of them.

 

You also know that you are caught up in your irrational, illogical, fear based, idiotic, ego mind when you are incapable of seeing the forest for the trees because you’re lost in reveries over imagined wrongs committed against you; when you blow your top over the smallest thing; when you are unable to distinguish truth from falsehood; when you cannot separate your thoughts from the projections of your ego mind, or from that of the collective unconscious; when you cannot resist being compelled to do something that’s not good for you, even if it’s just binging on non organic Ben & Jerry’s ice cream; or, if you are unable to determine when someone is really trying to hurt you, insult you, or is intentionally out to get you, vs. the ego playing that Michael Jackson song, “Just gotta be startin’ something … gotta be starting something …” I could go on.

For the ego, anything that keeps the chaos, craziness, and madness going are the only things worth doing, because it feels alive when the drama is kept in full swing. Moreover, the ego’s lies and duplicity are essential to keep duping humanity into believing that it is their amigo instead of the enemy, and that humanity would have no sense of self without an ego; or that humans could not exist without the ego’s help.  In reality, the ego’s idea of help is to hurt others. It also enjoys keeping humanity emotionally crippled by rerunning old, painful story loops that play over and over, rendering them immobilized by depression and unable to move out of the way of their own self destructive thoughts let alone the hurt they cause the self and others when they erupt into wrathful words, accusations, or anger turned inward that morphs into cancer or despair.

 

If you are sick and tired of ego tripping or getting tripped up by the egos of others, here’s a simple process to pull you out of crazy-making ego moments and old patterns of thinking and reacting.  But first, drink a glass of water, then take a few deep breaths (you gotta get some oxygen into the brain, which gets constricted by the ego, preventing rational thinking), and now …

  Here are the 10 WAYS TO END AN EGO TANTRUM:

  1. Begin by looking for recurring patterns in the current situation that propelled you to start Ego Tripping … patterns you never thought existed.
  2. Go back as far as you can remember, beginning with childhood or adolescence to search for the first time you felt similar feelings of fear, abandonment, being misunderstood, unloved, disrespected, humiliated, unworthy, stupid, helpless, taken advantage of, etc.  If you’re afraid of going back to a traumatic moment, then do this process with the help of a therapist, or a compassionate witness you can trust to hold your hand and walk you through it.
  3. After connecting the feeling you have now with a similar feeling in the past, ask yourself if the conclusion you drew about HOW the other person made you FEEL and WHY the person harmed you, were, in fact, true, at the time, and whether or not they are valid and applicable to your current situation? Keep in mind that you are seeking a higher understanding of the incident to get the lesson or gift in the pain so that you can move into compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others because holding on to resentment and non-forgiveness or feeling like a victim will manifest as disease in the body and mind.
  4. At this point, it is important to be absolutely certain, however, that the motives you gave to the other person, or that the conclusions you drew in the past, were accurate at that time, and that they definitively apply to the current situation. If you cannot discern this alone, a spiritual therapist can help you move through blind spots preventing you from reaching a higher perspective to heal the pain of the past so that it stops bleeding through into the present.
  5. Ask yourself: “Could the individual(s) be acting out past traumas of their own, or running old programs that were perpetrated against them?”
  6. Consider the possibility that the current situation could have triggered an old hurt or opened an old wound that never healed.  Ask yourself: “Am I reacting to an unrelated old pain or unhealed wound?”
  7. Now, ask yourself: “Am I aware of the background or history of the perpetrator?” Did you make an attempt to communicate what you believe, think or feel about this incident to the individual? If that felt unsafe, did you go to someone else who could have or should have helped with the problem?  If you attempted these things and any of the following occurred: They refused to communicate with you; denied what happened; did not believe you; or chose not to make peace with you, then that is now on them.  Let go of resentment and continue looking for a person who believes you because validation is important for healing.  Once you feel comfortable that your assessment of the situation is as objective as possible, and that you’ve done your part to seek resolution, it is important, nevertheless, to let the person who hurt you know how you feel about what happened, just to give voice to your pain.  If the person is dead, or if it is not possible or prudent to confront that person, then writing your feelings down on paper and burning them, as a symbolic gesture of releasing them into the hands of a higher power, can invite the miraculous to occur.
  8. On the other hand, if you do not know the person’s history, and made no attempt to ascertain what was behind the behavior, then ask yourself: “Is it even logical to keep making up reasons why the person behaved as they did? Is it even possible to understand the real motives behind anyone’s actions when most people fail to understand themselves? And, in a world of duality and duplicity, is it realistic to expect ego driven people NOT to behave in their own desperate, deluded self interest? More importantly, can you accept the very real possibility that the perpetrator might be insane, or simply out of his/her mind?
  9. Based on the foregoing, steps, you should now be able to pretty much determine whether your current problem is new or if it’s actually an old problem showing up in a new person, situation or scenario to be resolved so that you can move out of old reactionary patterns that disempower you. That way, you can step into conscious awareness of your feelings so that, when they get triggered again, you no longer automatically move into fear or pain that pulls you into the low vibrations that feed the darkness inside those who live to ego trip.
  10. To tie things up, make any corrective action that might be appropriate, depending on the situation, be it forgiving yourself; forgiving others; or making amends … particularly if you find that you jumped to wrong conclusions, or held an unwarranted grudge.  Most important, however, is setting an intention to respond, in the moment, from now on, with conscious intent and control to prevent the past from robbing you of the lessons to be mastered.  Simplicity, clarity of mind, and positive focus are necessary to break the spell created by the negative feedback loops that keep you a slave to the ego’s endless array of self-defeating behavior, thereby making you the fool of an idiot. And you know your mother did not raise you to be anybody’s fool.#  Check out my series, of courses designed to help you master your ego.

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